With my eyes closed I sit perched on a rock preparing myself for what is going to come.I roll my shoulders, take a deep breath and flutter my wings, to re-assure myself that it is time. And, i take the leap, my claws lose contact and my wings start to flutter with a calm urgency. I can feel myself gaining momentum and climbing higher, the air gets thin and the traffic up here runs low, my wings are still on the job like the engine of a ship, relentlessly chugging along. After a while, i inhale to the maximum capacity that my lungs can accommodate. Not because air here is a luxury, but to prepare myself for the treat.I open my eyes to a stunning panorama, underneath is the world that i no longer belong to, facing my is the horizon which never ends.I close my eyes shut and spread my wings out wide and i just glide, into the oblivion.
I wish i were bird.
It was destiny that got us together and it is destiny that is forcing us to part ways. When I sit back and ruminate about the past that we shared, I can’t help but smile. It wasn’t one of those textbook written love stories. It wasn’t love at first sight neither the second nor the third, It took me a whole year to start warming up to the fact that she’ll be a part of me during the years to come and besides she wasn’t a bad addition to my life, by no means at all!! She was a treat to the eyes, she had the right attitude, and she had life in her; to put it straight she was a veteran teenager’s dream.
We had been together for four long delightful years. During these years, of all, she had been a teacher to me; a teacher who taught me to believe in my own self, a teacher who introduced me to some of the most tremendous set of people who gradually became a major part of my life, she taught me to have fun, to love, to respect and most importantly to THINK. During the course of the journey she held my hand and helped me transform into a person that I am today. When we met for the first time I was boy, when we met for the last time I was a man.
She’s seen me cry, she’s seen me laugh, she’s seen me down, she’s seen me high. Where ever I was and however I was she has always accepted me the way I was. And now when it’s time for us part ways and move ahead with our own lives I am forced to wonder ‘was she the one whom I was abhorrent towards?Was I ever thankful to all that she has done to me? ’
Breaks ups are always painful. And this one was by far the worst.
Everything they do is forgiven; the pain is worth enduring.
No matter what they do to you just can’t hate them, maybe because you love them.
She was there standing there all by herself on the old rickety wooden pathway leading into the sea, looking into the setting sun unmindful of her surroundings. The world around her continued to do what they do the best; look and proceed. Her face never gave away a thing, but those eyes were eager to say something, all they were waiting for was someone who would listen, who would lend a shoulder, who would help her to stand back on her feet- An Angel presumably, who could help her walk through her past, a past which she just couldn’t get over with. Maybe why she stood there daily looking into the sky trying to spot her angel. And she didn’t have to look up for long; this uncanny angel of hers came along, sadly not from the clouds because red bull never really gave him wings. At first, she had no clue if it was her angel whom she was talking to; to her he was just another guy or maybe a guy who shared the same interests as her and who was fun to talk too, nothing more. The angel disguised himself as just another being. It was time when they slowly started to hit off, gradually he started to cast his magic spell over//or maybe he thought so//, things started looking up for the girl, no more did she visit the beach just to stare into the sky, she went there to feel the waves kissing her feet and the to feel the breeze caressing those long tresses of hers. She started to realize all the fun that she missed. Initially he became a part of her day, they would spend hours together talking, He was her confession box, she would tell him all and he’d listen. She always came across as a clean slate, minimalistic and no non-sense girl. They seemed to love spending time with each other, their interests matched except for their views on sheila’s jawaani.
He started to doubt if she was “the one” and it wasn’t long before his doubts turned into belief. She was the sort of a person whom he always wanted but he wasn’t sure enough if he was the sort of a guy she dreamt about. He wanted this relation to culminate into the best-part of his life, more than anything he wanted “this” to happen. Although, he never wanted to make it clear to her until she was done with what her past had to offer her, until then he was happy doing what he did the best, comfort her.He was living a dream, until one day, they were at the beach watching the sun go down. In moments such as these they never really spoke instead they’d let the silence speak. He was just staring at her and he absolutely loved the way she looked, maybe it was light from dying sun which made her look gorgeous to the extreme, he just couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Do you love me?” she says turning towards him. She has been feeling it but couldn’t dare to ask him; somehow she mustered up courage and blurted it out. He was flabbergasted to say the least, what would he say, he couldn’t deny the fact neither could he accept it because he wasn’t sure if she would react favorably. He stared at her and slowly felt her fingers with his and pulled her closer and planted a kiss. She got her answer and now it was her turn to be flabbergasted, for her he was surely special, he made her feel like no one else ever did but at the same time she wasn't sure if she was done with her past for good.
Days passed by but things haven’t progressed any further but they have certainly changed whenever they spoke the thought of him loving her always crossed her mind and neither could she ignore it or he deny it. She couldn’t take it anymore it was killing her and she had to take a call on it, one thing that she was sure of was that she’d be happier than ever if she was with him besides she also had a past to get over with it and he was her lifeline. “I want us to give it a chance which we never gave it” she said returning the pending kiss at the exact same spot after 46days of hell and visibly enough his joy knew no bounds. The dream was only getting by the day for him, it was quite obvious since the girl of his dreams was no more just a dream she was his reality. Nothing really changed between them but for the love that was once hidden was much more evident now, miles separated them during the day but their thoughts kept them together. The nights never seemed to end without a kiss, it was beautiful and if he had it his way this is how he wanted it to be, forever.
It’s almost been similar for her, she could never take the separation even if it was for minute or for the whole day, she wanted to by his side all day. But this wasn’t all; there was something that was holding her back she felt if she was not doing the right thing. She tired telling herself that it was all fine but it just didn’t help, her past was still haunting her, no matter how much she tired she just couldn’t get over it. She knew it very well that it’s not possible for her to hold onto the past and live in the present. “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t seem to get over something that she been a part of me since long and it seems it will continue to stay so. I just can’t let lie to you and I can’t let you go through this. I’m sorry”. He didn’t know what to say, how to react. He was broken and after long he looked up at her and smiled and she exactly knew what that smile meant but she was helpless, it had to happen someday else it would have been impossible for her to part ways with him, he had become a part of her life.
For him it was different, he wished if he had never told her about it, the hope of her being “The One” was way better the rejection that he had to go through. He never knew why he loved her, he in fact never wanted to know the reason because he wanted his love to be pure and void of any reasons. He was a guy who never believed in love until she happened to him and now it was the very girl who rumpled his belief in love. Yet, he could never seem to hate her, maybe he still believed in love.
Agreed that you loved him to death and always felt that you wouldn’t be able see anybody other than him in that place. Agreed that he meant everything to you, it was around him that your world revolved, but no more, now it’s all over. As harsh as it may sound that something which you can’t deny and you can’t continue to live in the present carrying the burden of the past.
“Love happens only once and I can’t love anyone like I loved him”, soon after the heart break this is what we all hear. Agreed that you can never love somebody like you loved him but it is extremely foolish to think that “love can never happen again”. Love is always waiting happen anytime, anywhere all you have to do is allow it to happen. All you have to do is “just let go” and at the right time it will be hard for you not to LOVE AGAIN. Just like you loved somebody there is somebody out there who loves you with all his heart, unfortunately you don’t want to notice it because you are busy lamenting about the past. Why does the world have to face the consequences of your failed relationship? Not only are you depriving yourself of all the love that is on offer but you are also depriving someone of his share of love too for no fault of his. First love is always something truly special and something which is minus the “compromise” but then what we want to happen doesn’t always happen and there is nothing much you can do about other than accepting it. The moment you decide that you’ll stop loving then you’ll be the world’s first robot which can breathe. Nobody in this world can ever stop loving, it’s like “I want to live but I don’t want to breathe”. When you know that it isn’t possible then why try so hard.
Why should you miss out on the love that this world has to offer just because of something which has happened in the past. I am not asking you to forget the past but don’t hold on to it. For good or bad those days were some of the best days of your life and they helped you to grow as a person. Just because something went wrong once doesn’t mean it will always go wrong and deciding your future based on one incident is a mistake, a BIG MISTAKE. There is a world out there which loves you to bits, all you have to do is accept the love and return the favor.
Life is about moving forward and taking the step ahead.
It’s always tough to get over a break up especially if you don’t have the right kind of support it does take time, but it is you who has to decide as to what amount of time is long and what amount of time is too long.
You have felt how it is to love, it’s time that you feel how it is to be loved, and it’s time that you moved on girl.
All the world’s a stage And all the men and women merely players…
Exactly Shakespeare!!! We all are players, who started playing our game so very well and we were so engrossed in it that we forgot where and when to stop this act…. Daily we are so used to pleasing everyone around us- Parents, Teacher, Boss, Girl friend, and Friends that we forget what exactly would please “US”. Don’t blame yourself and no don’t blame anybody else either. We are scared that somebody else might take our place and for that not to happen we end up doing everything and anything. What if you turn deaf and don’t care about what people want from you and rather start working on what exactly you want, you know the result, you very well do; you wont be the darling of the world, somebody else will be there who was nobody’s yesterday but today he is everybody’s. And believe me there are a million and one people who are ready to knock you off your “throne”. The “throne” here can be anything- your job status, your boyfriend status, your best friend status, your teacher’s pet status. Who cares what pleases “you” except for you soul?? –None. Who cares what pleases your boss? –The whole world.
Its funny people say that I have changed, I am not the same, I am not the original me nowadays- tell me when was I the “ORIGINAL ME”. If it was the masquerade of student yesterday, It’s the masquerade of a “dumb” assistant to my boss today, and who knows what am wearing tomorrow- but for sure not the which show cases the true ME. by the time we realize how far we have come and for long have we been “ON THE STAGE” we would have forgotten our own identity, and even if want to get back into our skin it would be super tough to even know which is OUR skin owing to the fact that we have worn so many skins all our life. In the desperation to be number one we play the game so very well that when we want drop out of it we can’t, in fact the world won’t let you drop out so easily.
We fake it in and out, day and night, we fake it while we eat, we fake it when we talk, we fake it when we dress, In fact the world around forces you to fake it. Maybe be we can fake it fool the whole world with our acting credentials but there is one person whom you have to face without the MASK with your face- YOU!!!
All the world’s a stage And all the men and women merely players…:)
And I must have been genuinely super duperly unlucky because that day was traveling in a early morning train without my i-pod and that too to attend my linear integrated circuits exam. You know there is a reason as to why I hate them:
i) Early morning trains are only filled with D-I-S-S-A-P-P-O-I-M-E-N-T. You pray to god that you see a beauty but all you can see is compartment load of uncles going to duty…
ii) Have you ever imagined of creating a weapon where in you can shoot down the culprit without having actually use any weapons??? Well then don’t work on it any more there is one such weapon I know of- linear integrated circuits a.k.a LIC…
“Well, there is nothing much you can do mama, or i think there is something you can do” he said. “What?” “Why don’t try finding which uncle has a beauty beti and then we can we do something...” he giggled “screw you Gyaan screw you, why don’t you get lost and let me sit in peace” I said…
5:15 it was Gyaan my jack ass friend resembled droopy from Tom and Jerry so I thought he better take a leave now and wishing me luck for the whole darn day off he went... It was just me in the seat and there was no one in the seat before me. Not knowing what to do I was just sitting and looking out of the window and was wondering what my lecturer was up to. Maybe he was dreaming about him banging up goons to save Katrina kaif or something…while I was in the process of cracking as to what my lecturer was up to I spotted something unusual happening at the corner of my eye “three girls”, “three pretty girls”, ”three pretty perfect girls”, “three pretty perfectly amazing girls” walking down towards the train and even before I could get myself together they were at my window “is the seat empty” “yea….yea yea….yea yea yea yea” “can we sit “ “yea, yea yea,yea yea yea”. “wow, that was the worst-est reply you could have given, you idiot”I said to myself.but I didn’t know what went wrong I was paralysed by seeing them at once and when you multiply the effect with three girls then the dose is life threatening. They came in and positioned themselves in the seat before me put their luggage down. One of the girls just dropped a smile and asked “I hope this is unreserved?” “Yea, yea yea, yea yea yea” . Oh please, not again what is the matter with you. You’re a stud; behave like one I said it to myself trying to pump in the much needed confidence.
I was trying to act completely cool as if I wasn’t affected by the presence of the girl and her sisters (which I came to know from the talk they made- I am such a detective, you know!!). infact I was pretty normal, I didn’t bother noticing that she wore a pink sweater over a pair of denims with her sneakers on and neither did I notice her beautiful eyes which were equally amazing as her silky hair nor her pearl white teeth and smile which could hypnotise you - O.K I agree I noticed, so what is the harm!!!
During their conversation I shamelessly eaves dropped and figured it out that only one among them is traveling and the rest of the two came down with their papaji to bid aideu to their sissy and she was also coming to same place as I was. And soon it was time for the train to start by then the blue print was drawn and I was just as prepared as a solider for war. Her gang got out the train and slowly the train started to make its way out of the platform and the pressure was building in me. I don’t know what was wrong with me I was acting dumb, I agree I am dumb at times but not to this extent.
She was sitting there looking out at the window watching the world go by unaware of the havoc and mayhem she has caused in a sweet little heart which was a beat away from hers. How do I start??
HI- sounds too casual
HEY, THIS IS ANKIT- so what???
AKKA, NAMASTHE - akka ki line esthava bey
ARJUN IS MY NAME, FLIRTING IS MY GAME, HEY BABE - what if she shows her longest finger of the hand??
Or how about I just drop a smile and she might herself start something???....yea, I’ll do that. But then how do I smile?? A grin is grosse. A half smile might not work. A “light bulb smile” might make her think am a despo. Errrrrrrrrrr…..had I thought so much during my iit-jee exam I’d have been in one of those iit’s. Why dig into the past anyways, it has been twenty minutes into the journey already and its too late for a smile or a hi. I didn’t even manage making an eye contact which I could boast off. I was pissed with myself; super pissed infact. “Oh shit no….no you can’t do that. No please for god sake don’t do that Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” screamed a voice deep inside me. She was getting her I pod out of her bag and as luck had it I didn’t have mine with me thanks to my jack ass friends. I knew it, the moment she plugs in her ipod there is nothing I can do other than royally kicking myself out of the train or accept the honour of being the “world’s biggest dumbo”. And just as I thought she did plug in her ipod leaving me in the dry to fry. But still I wasn’t the one to give up so easily, I prayed to god I could think off hoping that her ipod gets switched off. For the first time I hated Apple to the core for creating ipod. Why did they have to do that and even if they did why did they have to sell it pretty girls like her???? For the next hour or so I was desperately waiting for a miracle virus to come and launch an attack on her ipod, but seeing how my luck graph progressed so far I understood that neither the god nor the virus were ready to listen to this poor little soul today. Today just wasn’t my day, I was twitching in my seat and rubbing my hands not knowing what to do. I thought enough was enough and I looked up towards her in a hope of making the much awaited eye-contact and then comes the final blow- surprise surprise I couldn’t see the girls face…..did the virus eat her face off?? Obviously not, as I frantically search for the diamond of face I see that she bent down and rested on her knees and dozed off to sleep.
Not knowing what to do I arched my head back and gave it a hard knock against the wall. I wanted to slap myself for being so stupid. What will I say to everyone “ I couldn’t manage saying a hello to girl who was so close that I could feel her breath”. i knew I lost the battle but some part of me shamelessly still didn’t want to give up. I tried keeping the chaiwallah a second longer at our seat so that she might wake up on hearing him.i thought I’ll hit her head hard and sit as if I didn’t know who did it but the uncle beside her was giving me those “you awaara ladka” kinda looks so dropped that idea. I closed and opened and then closed the window shutter again hoping that this would do the trick atleast but it seemed like even if a supersonic plane passed by she wouldn’t have woken up. Even the Indian railways ditched me today the train didn’t stop even once and reached the station on time. She got up took her stuff and when she was about to move she looked at me and dropped that much awaited smile. I threw a smile back at her and thought to myself “couldn’t you have done this before you dumb chick”.
My sister always said I was stupid…but today I was at my supreme best!!!!
Life for me was family, friends, soccer, linkin park and chicken biryani but that was until a lady tornado came into my life; a lovely lady tornado in fact….
19 years old I was and just like all guys of my age I was obsessed with brad pitt’s wife and nadal’s biceps, staring at the mirror all day I’d wish “kaash I had those sculptured biceps too”. And just any 19 year I’d say “my foot” when I heard “GIRL FRIEND”……
It was my dad and his bloody interest in painting which was the root cause for all this mess, had it not been his desire to turn jerk into a picaso I’d have been still the same old guy who thought life is bliss without a miss…….
“Son, I wanted you to do something exciting in these holidays” said my dad. It was my summer break after my 12th “how about going on a holiday to Maldives alone that, would be pretty exciting” suggested I. “Or how about going to art classes, I always wanted to learn but it never happened. I thought atleast you would” said my Dad D… “errrrrrrrrr……What???? As far as I know my art skills I was the only one apart from rahul in my class who had the unique ablity to draw a square which looked like a trapezium, knowing my skills I thought it would be anything but easy to impress. And saying “no” to something wasn’t the best of options especially when you are planning to get your dad to buy you a bike. “ok, I’ll go” afterall it’s an god damn art class no big deal, I thought.
I ringed up picaso no.2 a.k.a rahul with a hope of convincing him to join picaso no.1 to the class “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!! Dude the world can’t handle two picasos at once, how about I drop and u carry on?” he said laughing like moron to his own dumb ass pj. I tried bribing him with a treat every alternate day after the class it seemed to hit the target but he wasn’t completely convinced and picaso no.2 ditched picaso no.1 in the end.
Soon after three days my art classes began, for the first four days all he taught was lines and strokes and something about paint brushes which I dint bother listening. Guys here weren’t like I ones I thought them to be; you know the ones wearing kurtas with spectacles and messy hair with a cloth sling bag. They were normal human beings just like me. There was this one human being in particular who caught my attention on the fourth day when I saw her walking down the corridor with rolls of canvas and long flowing straight hair, she was on the phone with someone and so was I with picasa no.2 and I didn’t notice her coming towards me and right there at 10.37 am in the corridor we clashed and off fell the lady and her rolls of canvas and as far as picaso no.1 was concerned I was on the ground too and so was my stuff….and just like they do in movies we said a dozen sorries and grab our things and that was when I lifted my head to see a set of the most beautiful eyes which were clearly in pain…. And as she walked off I could hear the song “chaudvi ka chand ho yah aaftab ho jo bhi ho khuda ki kasam lajawaab ho” playing in my heart….this was the song which picaso no.2 used to sing whenever he saw a beautiful chick…..oh boy!!!! I think the unthinkable has happened just like in the movies, I the tough guy seems to haven fallen for the Cinderella who just walked by.
Swear to god!!! I couldn’t even sleep for an hour in the same position all night. The last time I felt like this was when I downed 13 tins of red bull as I had nothing to do. For the next fifteen days I did everything as per the books to impress the lady and I it almost worked had it not been for our art teacher who would take “keen” interest in my paintings and further stopping me from taking “keen “ interest in MY GIRL. I did everything tactfully and stuck to the plan, sooner than later all the hard work paid off she no more gave me those weird looks when I used to stare at her with my eyes wide open.
It was just the same ole day, nothing special except for the fact that I had new cologne on me, but that was only until she came in to the class. A long black tee teamed up with a pair of slim fit jeans which showed off those shapely legs. Those beautiful eyes had a tinge of kohl on them with very little make up on that silky smooth skin of hers. Not to mention that drool worthy hair which was like a cherry on the cake. Forget me; even obama would have given up his presidency for a date with this chick. I knew I was hypnotized and there was no way I’d get out of it, my eyes weren’t listening to my commands anymore and neither was that blood pumping organ near the chest. I told to myself if not today it’s gonna be never and with all my might and courage I went up to her after the class “do you mind coming out for coffee??” she stared at me and then at her watch and I knew that I lost it but it was only until I heard this “ye, why not”.
That was the most memorable day of my life and believe it or not it was because of a GIRL!!!! Then these memorable soon turned into weeks and months and years. It has been 35 years that I have been living in this “memorable” world and still everyday whenever she walks by me she still manages to hypnotize me.
