Pehchaan Kaun????

All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players…


Exactly Shakespeare!!! We all are players, who started playing our game so very well and we were so engrossed in it that we forgot where and when to stop this act…. Daily we are so used to pleasing everyone around us- Parents, Teacher, Boss, Girl friend, and Friends that we forget what exactly would please “US”. Don’t blame yourself and no don’t blame anybody else either. We are scared that somebody else might take our place and for that not to happen we end up doing everything and anything. What if you turn deaf and don’t care about what people want from you and rather start working on what exactly you want, you know the result, you very well do; you wont be the darling of the world, somebody else will be there who was nobody’s yesterday but today he is everybody’s. And believe me there are a million and one people who are ready to knock you off your “throne”. The “throne” here can be anything- your job status, your boyfriend status, your best friend status, your teacher’s pet status. Who cares what pleases “you” except for you soul?? –None. Who cares what pleases your boss? –The whole world.


Its funny people say that I have changed, I am not the same, I am not the original me nowadays- tell me when was I the “ORIGINAL ME”. If it was the masquerade of student yesterday, It’s the masquerade of a “dumb” assistant to my boss today, and who knows what am wearing tomorrow- but for sure not the which show cases the true ME. by the time we realize how far we have come and for long have we been “ON THE STAGE” we would have forgotten our own identity, and even if want to get back into our skin it would be super tough to even know which is OUR skin owing to the fact that we have worn so many skins all our life. In the desperation to be number one we play the game so very well that when we want drop out of it we can’t, in fact the world won’t let you drop out so easily.


We fake it in and out, day and night, we fake it while we eat, we fake it when we talk, we fake it when we dress, In fact the world around forces you to fake it. Maybe be we can fake it fool the whole world with our acting credentials but there is one person whom you have to face without the MASK with your face- YOU!!!


All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players…:)

Train No: 7405

Two things I hate the most..

Linear integrated circuits

Early Morning trains

And I must have been genuinely super duperly unlucky because that day was traveling in a early morning train without my i-pod and that too to attend my linear integrated circuits exam. You know there is a reason as to why I hate them:

i) Early morning trains are only filled with D-I-S-S-A-P-P-O-I-M-E-N-T. You pray to god that you see a beauty but all you can see is compartment load of uncles going to duty…

ii) Have you ever imagined of creating a weapon where in you can shoot down the culprit without having actually use any weapons??? Well then don’t work on it any more there is one such weapon I know of- linear integrated circuits a.k.a LIC…

“Well, there is nothing much you can do mama, or i think there is something you can do” he said. “What?” “Why don’t try finding which uncle has a beauty beti and then we can we do something...” he giggled “screw you Gyaan screw you, why don’t you get lost and let me sit in peace” I said…

5:15 it was Gyaan my jack ass friend resembled droopy from Tom and Jerry so I thought he better take a leave now and wishing me luck for the whole darn day off he went... It was just me in the seat and there was no one in the seat before me. Not knowing what to do I was just sitting and looking out of the window and was wondering what my lecturer was up to. Maybe he was dreaming about him banging up goons to save Katrina kaif or something…while I was in the process of cracking as to what my lecturer was up to I spotted something unusual happening at the corner of my eye “three girls”, “three pretty girls”, ”three pretty perfect girls”, “three pretty perfectly amazing girls” walking down towards the train and even before I could get myself together they were at my window “is the seat empty” “yea….yea yea….yea yea yea yea” “can we sit “ “yea, yea yea,yea yea yea”. “wow, that was the worst-est reply you could have given, you idiot”I said to myself.but I didn’t know what went wrong I was paralysed by seeing them at once and when you multiply the effect with three girls then the dose is life threatening. They came in and positioned themselves in the seat before me put their luggage down. One of the girls just dropped a smile and asked “I hope this is unreserved?” “Yea, yea yea, yea yea yea” . Oh please, not again what is the matter with you. You’re a stud; behave like one I said it to myself trying to pump in the much needed confidence.

I was trying to act completely cool as if I wasn’t affected by the presence of the girl and her sisters (which I came to know from the talk they made- I am such a detective, you know!!). infact I was pretty normal, I didn’t bother noticing that she wore a pink sweater over a pair of denims with her sneakers on and neither did I notice her beautiful eyes which were equally amazing as her silky hair nor her pearl white teeth and smile which could hypnotise you - O.K I agree I noticed, so what is the harm!!!

During their conversation I shamelessly eaves dropped and figured it out that only one among them is traveling and the rest of the two came down with their papaji to bid aideu to their sissy and she was also coming to same place as I was. And soon it was time for the train to start by then the blue print was drawn and I was just as prepared as a solider for war. Her gang got out the train and slowly the train started to make its way out of the platform and the pressure was building in me. I don’t know what was wrong with me I was acting dumb, I agree I am dumb at times but not to this extent.

She was sitting there looking out at the window watching the world go by unaware of the havoc and mayhem she has caused in a sweet little heart which was a beat away from hers. How do I start??

HI- sounds too casual

HEY, THIS IS ANKIT- so what???

AKKA, NAMASTHE - akka ki line esthava bey

ARJUN IS MY NAME, FLIRTING IS MY GAME, HEY BABE - what if she shows her longest finger of the hand??

Or how about I just drop a smile and she might herself start something???....yea, I’ll do that. But then how do I smile?? A grin is grosse. A half smile might not work. A “light bulb smile” might make her think am a despo. Errrrrrrrrrr…..had I thought so much during my iit-jee exam I’d have been in one of those iit’s. Why dig into the past anyways, it has been twenty minutes into the journey already and its too late for a smile or a hi. I didn’t even manage making an eye contact which I could boast off. I was pissed with myself; super pissed infact. “Oh shit no….no you can’t do that. No please for god sake don’t do that Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” screamed a voice deep inside me. She was getting her I pod out of her bag and as luck had it I didn’t have mine with me thanks to my jack ass friends. I knew it, the moment she plugs in her ipod there is nothing I can do other than royally kicking myself out of the train or accept the honour of being the “world’s biggest dumbo”. And just as I thought she did plug in her ipod leaving me in the dry to fry. But still I wasn’t the one to give up so easily, I prayed to god I could think off hoping that her ipod gets switched off. For the first time I hated Apple to the core for creating ipod. Why did they have to do that and even if they did why did they have to sell it pretty girls like her???? For the next hour or so I was desperately waiting for a miracle virus to come and launch an attack on her ipod, but seeing how my luck graph progressed so far I understood that neither the god nor the virus were ready to listen to this poor little soul today. Today just wasn’t my day, I was twitching in my seat and rubbing my hands not knowing what to do. I thought enough was enough and I looked up towards her in a hope of making the much awaited eye-contact and then comes the final blow- surprise surprise I couldn’t see the girls face…..did the virus eat her face off?? Obviously not, as I frantically search for the diamond of face I see that she bent down and rested on her knees and dozed off to sleep.

Not knowing what to do I arched my head back and gave it a hard knock against the wall. I wanted to slap myself for being so stupid. What will I say to everyone “ I couldn’t manage saying a hello to girl who was so close that I could feel her breath”. i knew I lost the battle but some part of me shamelessly still didn’t want to give up. I tried keeping the chaiwallah a second longer at our seat so that she might wake up on hearing him.i thought I’ll hit her head hard and sit as if I didn’t know who did it but the uncle beside her was giving me those “you awaara ladka” kinda looks so dropped that idea. I closed and opened and then closed the window shutter again hoping that this would do the trick atleast but it seemed like even if a supersonic plane passed by she wouldn’t have woken up. Even the Indian railways ditched me today the train didn’t stop even once and reached the station on time. She got up took her stuff and when she was about to move she looked at me and dropped that much awaited smile. I threw a smile back at her and thought to myself “couldn’t you have done this before you dumb chick”.

My sister always said I was stupid…but today I was at my supreme best!!!!

The "ART" of Life

Place: my room

Date: 30-2-2034


Life for me was family, friends, soccer, linkin park and chicken biryani but that was until a lady tornado came into my life; a lovely lady tornado in fact….

19 years old I was and just like all guys of my age I was obsessed with brad pitt’s wife and nadal’s biceps, staring at the mirror all day I’d wish “kaash I had those sculptured biceps too”. And just any 19 year I’d say “my foot” when I heard “GIRL FRIEND”……

It was my dad and his bloody interest in painting which was the root cause for all this mess, had it not been his desire to turn jerk into a picaso I’d have been still the same old guy who thought life is bliss without a miss…….

“Son, I wanted you to do something exciting in these holidays” said my dad. It was my summer break after my 12th “how about going on a holiday to Maldives alone that, would be pretty exciting” suggested I. “Or how about going to art classes, I always wanted to learn but it never happened. I thought atleast you would” said my Dad D… “errrrrrrrrr……What???? As far as I know my art skills I was the only one apart from rahul in my class who had the unique ablity to draw a square which looked like a trapezium, knowing my skills I thought it would be anything but easy to impress. And saying “no” to something wasn’t the best of options especially when you are planning to get your dad to buy you a bike. “ok, I’ll go” afterall it’s an god damn art class no big deal, I thought.

I ringed up picaso no.2 a.k.a rahul with a hope of convincing him to join picaso no.1 to the class “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!! Dude the world can’t handle two picasos at once, how about I drop and u carry on?” he said laughing like moron to his own dumb ass pj. I tried bribing him with a treat every alternate day after the class it seemed to hit the target but he wasn’t completely convinced and picaso no.2 ditched picaso no.1 in the end.

Soon after three days my art classes began, for the first four days all he taught was lines and strokes and something about paint brushes which I dint bother listening. Guys here weren’t like I ones I thought them to be; you know the ones wearing kurtas with spectacles and messy hair with a cloth sling bag. They were normal human beings just like me. There was this one human being in particular who caught my attention on the fourth day when I saw her walking down the corridor with rolls of canvas and long flowing straight hair, she was on the phone with someone and so was I with picasa no.2 and I didn’t notice her coming towards me and right there at 10.37 am in the corridor we clashed and off fell the lady and her rolls of canvas and as far as picaso no.1 was concerned I was on the ground too and so was my stuff….and just like they do in movies we said a dozen sorries and grab our things and that was when I lifted my head to see a set of the most beautiful eyes which were clearly in pain…. And as she walked off I could hear the song “chaudvi ka chand ho yah aaftab ho jo bhi ho khuda ki kasam lajawaab ho” playing in my heart….this was the song which picaso no.2 used to sing whenever he saw a beautiful chick…..oh boy!!!! I think the unthinkable has happened just like in the movies, I the tough guy seems to haven fallen for the Cinderella who just walked by.

Swear to god!!! I couldn’t even sleep for an hour in the same position all night. The last time I felt like this was when I downed 13 tins of red bull as I had nothing to do. For the next fifteen days I did everything as per the books to impress the lady and I it almost worked had it not been for our art teacher who would take “keen” interest in my paintings and further stopping me from taking “keen “ interest in MY GIRL. I did everything tactfully and stuck to the plan, sooner than later all the hard work paid off she no more gave me those weird looks when I used to stare at her with my eyes wide open.

It was just the same ole day, nothing special except for the fact that I had new cologne on me, but that was only until she came in to the class. A long black tee teamed up with a pair of slim fit jeans which showed off those shapely legs. Those beautiful eyes had a tinge of kohl on them with very little make up on that silky smooth skin of hers. Not to mention that drool worthy hair which was like a cherry on the cake. Forget me; even obama would have given up his presidency for a date with this chick. I knew I was hypnotized and there was no way I’d get out of it, my eyes weren’t listening to my commands anymore and neither was that blood pumping organ near the chest. I told to myself if not today it’s gonna be never and with all my might and courage I went up to her after the class “do you mind coming out for coffee??” she stared at me and then at her watch and I knew that I lost it but it was only until I heard this “ye, why not”.

That was the most memorable day of my life and believe it or not it was because of a GIRL!!!! Then these memorable soon turned into weeks and months and years. It has been 35 years that I have been living in this “memorable” world and still everyday whenever she walks by me she still manages to hypnotize me.

Angel...

It was me and just I sitting in the foyer all alone sipping my coffee and I started to reflect back on how things had changed in the past few years.

Three years it has been that she has been on the bed…
Three years it has been since she has said a word…
Three years it has been since we went on a romantic date…
Three years it has been that we have fought…
Three years it has been that she had dressed for me…

People thought I’ve lost it!!!!

“He’s completely crazy”- said one

“He’s blowing it all”- said another

“Why don’t they opt for mercy killing, there’s no way she is going to make it “

But one thing that I have seen in all those 3*365 days was, she loved me and her eyes told it to me a million times a day and that’s what mattered to me. She has been my only duty every day in the past three years. The hospital literally turned into our second home, everyone from the doctors to nurses knew who I was and why I was here for.

Life has never been particularly kind on me. For the Lady love, I was an untouchable losing my mother at an early age didn’t help either. I was a loner pretty much all through my teens and it comes as no surprise to see a teenager falling prey to booze n dope as I had no one to guide me through. As said that people learn from their mistakes so did I, It was in the rehab that I was finding my true self and it was at the same rehab where I also found someone for myself. She was a counselor at the rehab who believed in changing lives of many such people like me but little did I know that she would change my life more than I ever expected her too. Her patience to deal with things and her passion towards life forced me to start liking MY LIFE maybe for the first time in ages. Not only did I lose my addiction to drugs but my
addiction to loneliness was also fast vanishing….

No more where our meeting restricted to the counseling room, we moved from cafes to restaurants to Broadway shows and before I knew she was there sharing my breakfast and my house…out of the 28 years of my existence it took me only 3months to find my WIFE. She unknowingly for the past 33 years did something or the other every day which had me saying “you couldn’t have found anyone better”. I felt too embarrassed to tell her but there were days when I used to sit down and cry thinking “what would I do had it not been for her”. She was my teacher although our marriage, a teacher who taught with love-Unconditional love. She tirelessly worked on me all these years making me a better person everyday. And for the next 33 years our lives revolved around each other, I wouldn’t call those 33 years to be picture perfect but it was close, very close to being picture perfect infact. We had our share of fights and high decibel arguments but the advantage of being married to counselor paid off…

I believe everything has an expiry date and so did my “happy life”. It was supposed to be our monthly date where I get to choose what she wears and where she gets to choose what we eat. Like our all other dates this one too was just A-W-E-S-O-M-E and after that lovely dinner she wanted to go on a walk and not for a moment did I think that would be the last walk I’d have with her. A drunken driver rammed his car into her and my DREAM WORLD started to fall apart but during all these years she taught me something; whatever happens it happens for good. May be it was pay back time; may be god wanted me to do the same what she did to me all these years. I never cared if anyone understood why I was doing this because “she understood it” and that was all I ever wanted….LOVE; UNCONDITIONAL LOVE….

4 Seasons....

No great person told it so I’m telling it. Ankit can’t live without chicken and neither can relation live without understanding.

R was lying down on his sofa and the only thing on his mind was “what could have possibly gone wrong”. Couple of shots vodka too weren’t enough to erase those thoughts off his mind, all he knew was he loved her more than anybody in this world but she thought it was the other way.

It was the same with G too minus the vodka that is…she thought it was all over and they had nothing more than a few cuss words for each other… this was way off target from what she had thought would be a perfect ending to their 6 year 3 month 13 day relationship. She began to think, wish there was a book on how to understand people. Even after 6years and those extra months she felt she never completely understood R. “if you can understand anybody in this world completely then it’s only you” she was telling it to herself. “I knew the food he liked, the color, the people, the songs, the movies, I knew exactly what a smile on his face and a tear in his eye meant. We exchanged a million word conversation and without a single word been spoken. We knew each other better than our own selves I thought, but that proved to be everything but right”.

When you think you know everything about a person we tend to stop thinking further about it and that’s where the problem starts because you don’t see that he doesn’t like blue anymore neither does he support Arsenal and nor does he hang out for a beer with the same bunch of friends. Same is the case in the role reversal situation, he thinks you still cry for silly reasons and still gifts you a Gucci even when you have moved on to Versace long time ago. We forget that change is the only thing permanent thing in life.

It’s not just the designer you wearing and the team that you root for change as the time gets older…it’s the feelings, the thoughts, the opinions which change too, And we tend to think that just like always the “better-half to be” will understand you but all they remember is the volume-I and not the volume-II and by the time you figure that out you would be sitting all alone trying to find out why didn’t you see that volume-II coming.

This is where the things take a turn for the worse, and the cracks start to open up. You no longer get a “I love for this” kinda look when you cook his favorite meal which supposedly, has changed long back. When you are in a problem and expect him to be by your side he aint there because he thinks you are used to handling such problems. Those eyes which always did the talking are now filled with tears. You can sense it that things are slipping out of your hands and so is he. A room which was once filled with love, laughter and joy is now renovated into a room full of arguments, tears and hate. A phone call for which once you waited with a baited breath has now vanished from hours to days to weeks to months. Nobody knows what went wrong; all of a sudden LOVE seems to be a word of the past. A person about whom you thought you knew everything is no more there. All of a sudden you start asking for SPACE from a person whom you always wanted to be by your side.

After all this thought and bucket full of chicken nuggets G got a bit philosophical. “People are just like seasons, both change with time and you have to notice the change and adapt to it” she told to herself. “Wonder what R would be thinking now” she continued….

“What could have possibly gone wrong” was the same question going on in his mind even after downing 8 shots of vodka.

Maybe it’s true… men can never think as much as a woman can, even after 8 neat shots of vodka….